Humility, Honesty, Holiness

It has been a while since I've posted here...I have fallen behind in my reading in Created to be His Help Meet. I've been reading a book by raw foodist Paul Nison, and another book by another faw foodist on creating healthy children. In addition, I have started a Bible study with a sweet friend I met through Reece's Rainbow and our adoptions. She lives in Texas and her and her husband adopted an absolutely adorable little boy from Ukraine just a few months before we adopted Maria. We have some things in common and feel a connection. So each week we use Skype and do our Bible study together. I am so enjoying sharing and getting to know her better. I praise God for bringing us together.

In thinking about this blog, it is about my journey with Dom, but also about my own personal journey with the Lord. If I am not honest with my thoughts and sharing my life in this personal blog journal, then what is the point. So, what follows below is my heart ripped open and raw, a journey through humility, honesty and holiness... what follows below is an account of my experience yesterday, and me reaching out in the hopes that in sharing my heart God will use this to encourage another mom "in the trenches"... so, here goes...

i feel led to share this morning, in the hopes that somehow this will be an encouragement to you one day... so I share my praise with you, as well as asking for prayer for myself. I am doing a Bible study via skype with a friend I made through Reeces Rainbow. We skype on wednesdays and this week's focus was humility and focusing on God's holiness. I am so thankful to be led to focus on His Holiness. It has made a huge difference yesterday, and I will share this painful day I had yesterday...I think this may be long!

I did not get up as early as I would have liked to, but I did start my day with prayer knowing that I can do nothing without Him. The day started out good, Donatella had her first tennis lesson at 8:30 in the morning. I have been praying about finding something for her that does not involve Maria, where she can receive the full attention of a coach, instructor, etc. One evening a few weeks ago when I drove to the pool I saw the tennis instructor giving lessons to a group of 4-5 year olds. We talked about it and at first she was not interested, then she came to me a day or two later and said, "Mom, I shouldn't have said I don't want to play tennis, I should be open to trying everything, so I would like to go." I was so proud of her, and she did great. The coach is such a lovely man, very kind and of a gentle spirit, so encouraging, and it is private lessons where she is the only student. From there we all went food shopping and that's where things started to fall apart - and it was only 9:30 in the morning! I tend to be stressed on food shopping days anticipating that there will be some goofing off in the store, touching things, arguing about who is going to put what in the cart, asking me a hundred questions about can we get this or can we get that, etc. No matter how much I prepare, I seem to be always disappointed in at least one of their behaviors, and then I cannot concentrate and I feel like a spinning top trying to manage all of them around me. I hold my cool, but on the inside I feel like a frazzled wreck, and then I lay in to them when we get to the van. And we shop at two stores so if the first one doesn't go well, I'm already on edge before I get to the second one. The second store actually went pretty well, but I felt like a bundle of nerves inside. (The kids asked if they could set up a lemonade stand today because they want to earn extra money. In addition, they want to sell other "items" (trinkets they are no longer using, crafts they are making, etc) and I feel pressure to get this all set up for them, which we are doing.) On the ride home from the second store it was just non-stop questions and wanting my attention from all 4 of them, "Mom this" and "Mom that"... I just could not listen any more and I started to cry and told them all to please stop talking - I don't even remember if I used the word please!. And it just got worse all afternoon... I kept saying over and over "Jesus, this is just too much for me, but I know it's not too much for you, help me." They want to play with me all the time, and they know that Dad is much better at playing and pretending with them than me... and I just wanted to call my husband and say i am here all day providing all their needs - school, meals, discipline, getting them out playing, swimming, taking them with me everywhere I go for every errand and appointment and by the late afternnoon I have no more emotions or brain cells to give (but I know Jesus does), so when Dom comes home he's all ready for them full steam. I feel it most when he travels, which he is doing this week and he won't be home till late Saturday night. So at around 4PM yesterday I had a complete melt down like I have NEVER had before - it felt more like a panic/anxiety attack. I felt my breath labored and I could not stop crying, it wasn't even crying, it was uncontrollable sobbing, and crying out to God. I cried out everything, my sins over these last months, my struggles, and i kept saying it's too much for me but not for You... the kids did not know what to do and I just wanted to be by myself but they would not leave my side, very uneasy and upset. Little Dom brought me a Bible and said "Mom, you need to read this right now, and please stop crying." He pointed me to Psalms 100. I could barely read it, but I did , and put it down, and kept in my emotional state... and then I asked him to bring me the Bible again, because i think God wants me to read that over and over, which I did...."Shout for joy to the Lord...worship the Lord with gladness, come before Him with joyful songs...enter His gates with Thanksgiving and His courts with Praise, give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." I asked dom to get the Hymnal book and find hymns of praise. We sang together and over and over "Holy, Holy, Holy".. as we continued through the verses the darkness I felt completely lifted and my voice returned to normal, my crying stopped and a warm smile came to my face and we continued to sing together. And I thought Lord you are being glorified right here, right now. And I poured out praise and thanksgiving. After that we all made dinner together and I felt so beautiful inside, and I kept singing that hymn... and I sang it again last night, this morning, and will continue to do so in praise and worship to Him.

How he works in our lives to draw us to him, to reveal his holiness to us... i am in awe of this awesome God! He literally stripped me down to bring me back to him, and to get me to focus on His holiness. Praise the Lord, He lifted me up!

Thank you to everyone in my life who encourages me. Please keep me in your prayers.

Children: I love you so very much...thank you my children, and God, for loving me even when I don't love myself.

Love, Michele
"Holy Holy Holy, Lord God Almighty!
Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee;
Holy Holy Holy merciful and mighty
God in Three Persons, blessed Trinity!"
(first verse)

Created to be His Help Meet

I have read some wonderful books to encourage me in my walk. One was Beloved Unbeliever, and another was The Excellent Wife. One book that I recently borrowed from a friend is Created to be His Help Meet. This is what encouraged me to start this blog. The author is Debi Pearl. There are 24 Chapters in the book, and each week I am going to post about each chapter, with encouragement for myself and my daughters, and anyone else reading this blog. It is my prayer that I and you will grow and learn "to be my husband's helper in every way that a man needs a woman's support." CTBHHM, Intro.

Chapter 1 - God's Gift
"For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man" (1 Cor 11:8-9).
Think of a way, or ways, you can be a helper to your husband - start right now. I have made a habit of asking Dom "Is there anything I can do for you right now; or to help you with getting ready for your business trip?" I know that he really appreciates this.

More on this chapter later... I am being summoned by my second ministry - my children! :))

A Suitable Helper...

I will blog more on this subject later, however God convicted me yesterday while I was on my run...I need to be more of a helper to my husband. It seems that he does more to help and accommodate me and make my life easier than I do for him. He travels a lot and I guess in the back of my mind I have this mindset that when he's home I am deserving and entitled to "free time." (And I have read recently that we can make an idol of our free time.) I thought yesterday, how am I helping him and supporting him?...I need to do more of this, and it needs to be always in the forefront of my mind. He is the head of the home and out there working very hard so that we may enjoy what we have and that I can stay home to homeschool our children. After a week away, how can I serve him rather than focusing on what can he do for me??? That thinking is definitely not God's plan. I remember one day I called him at work only to ask if there was anything he needed me to do for him that day, and he replied, "that was nice." I don't think I've done that more than one time. So my prayer today is Lord, renew my mind so that I may be transformed in to a suitable helper for my husband.

Mother's Day

She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction in on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26

This blog is Divinely inspired by our Creator. Since our adoption of our youngest daughter Maria, God has spoken to me in so many ways. And by way of this post I want to introduce this blog. When Dom and the kids left Ukraine to go back to the States, my only source of comfort was my Bible, (and of course the video Skype calls we made to each other once per day). I dived in to the Book of Romans, and God led me to Romans 13 over and over, where He speaks of submission to authority. I would question why is He leading me to this passage, but in obedience read it over and over. Less than a week after I returned home, Dom left for a week long business trip and I was left trying to adjust to this new family of four children on my own. I did not adjust very well and several times was on the phone with Dom crying. It was during this time that Dom told me he wanted the boys in school, and it was not up for discussion. I was shocked and speechless. And then my ah-ha moment...Romans 13, submitting to authority...God is soooo good. Had I not been obedient to His calling me to that passage, I would have missed the whole point of me being alone in Ukraine and not allowed God to prepare me for what was to come...so many times we can get in the way of God's plan for our lives when we think WE know better than Him. My sweet husband is not a believer, but I am called to yield to him. This incidence has deepened my relationship with God and led me to want to be the Biblical wife, mother, and woman God speaks of in His Word. God has spoken to me about submitting, dying to self, modesty, and how less is more in my life. I also see how it has moved my husband to be a better man, husband and father.

Today, Mother's Day, was so very special. Each of the children prepared something for me in their own special way, and it was also Maria's first mother's day. My husband will tell you that every day is Mother's Day in our home :), but every mother wants to be acknowledged on this day, and that includes me. I started the day with a three mile run, went to church, then as a family we shopped at Fresh Market for a special dinner where each of the kids got to pick something special, and then at home I was treated to handmade gifts and cards from the kids, a special card from my husband, and a royal dinner and dessert! We then watched a movie and now everyone is tucked in bed. Ahhh.... this is perfect, being with my best friend (my husband) and my four blessings, my children, all snuggie on the sofa. It doesn't get any better than this. I can remember when I worked in the hotel in NYC saying I will probably never want children because I could never give up the prestige and glamour that job afforded me...and now, all I want is to live on a farm and have more chidren! :) (When we turn away from our wicked ways we seek His face and become restored.) But I'll need to wait and hear from God on those things! Something I realized tonite is that this day is not about me, but about my family, and the excitement and love they poured in to making it special...the kids were so excited about their "party" for mom.

Happy Mother's Day!